Kurt: So did ya’ read the sports news today?
Me: Oh! That Rodriguez and Michigan will pay up on what they owe WVU?
Kurt: Okay, no. The other sports news: a few of the Steelers shareholders have been shopping the team around. Not the Chairman---what’s his name?
Me: [with growing shock and panic] Dan Rooney?!
Kurt: Yeah, not him, but I guess his brother . . . and a few other family members who hold shares.
Me: But . . . . But . . . . [blathering, incomprehensible, breathless drivel]
[Pause]
But . . . Rooney! Pittsburgh! Steelers!
[Pause]
NO! Art Rooney bought that team in 1933! They can’t---
Kurt: Well, we’re in an age without loyalty . . .
Me: The Steelers are all about loyalty! They’ve only had three coaches in nearly 40 years!
[Pause]
Can’t . . . leave . . . Pittsburgh!
Must be Steelers. Must be Pittsburgh. Must be Rooney. Not good. Not good at all.
[Pause. Panic growing.]
No, no, no, no, no. Won’t happen. The City of Pittsburgh will NEVER let it happen. They can’t. Oh, they can’t. I don’t think I can breathe. I hope those other Rooneys don’t live in Pittsburgh . . . mob . . . pitchforks . . . torches . . . black tar, gold feathers . . .
How. Dare. They?!
[Frantic searching on the Web]
Okay . . . from Steelers.com:
“Steelers Chairman Dan Rooney stated, ‘I have spent my entire life devoted to the Pittsburgh Steelers and the National Football League. I will do everything possible to work out a solution to ensure my father’s legacy of keeping the Steelers in the Rooney family and in Pittsburgh for at least another 75 years.’”
And this guy, this Matthew J. Darnell, from Yahoo! Sports, I enjoy him:
Steelers fans can take comfort in the following:
• Druckenmiller [the team's prospective buyer] might be the only man on the planet who's worth more than $3 billion and regularly paints his face for football games
• He wore a Troy Polamalu jersey and a hard-hat to a game last year
• Will not sit in a luxury box, and prefers to be in the stands with like-minded Steelers fans
• There's no chance he'd move the Steelers out of Pittsburgh
• He'd let Dan Rooney control the team for as long as Rooney would like
Kurt: Well that’s good news, anyway. This Druckenmiller seems like a decent guy.
Me: I guess we’ll see. Ugh. I feel ill.
~end conversation~
For the love of all that is good and just and right and holy in this world, please---please!---don't mess with the Black and Gold!
Go Stillers!
1 comment:
Steady deep breaths. Take it easy.
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